In Sheep's Clothing
My church holds a worship service the first Sunday night of every month. The format of these is a bit different every time but they tend to be interesting, and I go when I can. I was understandably unsettled when instead of assuming a passive observer role, the head pastor called everyone to gather into groups of three or four to pray about various ministries and topics. It just so happened that I was sitting near and ended up grouped with the pastor of children’s ministries and her husband and the missionary pastor.
Did I dare to tell these two pastors that God and I aren’t on speaking terms right now? Of course not. I didn’t have to. For just as I am perfectly able to discuss the Bible as if I believed it were true, I can pray as if I thought someone was actually listening. I can turn it on and off just like that.
Today was the annual picnic for the entire church in the mountains. The highlight of this event is the baptism service in the lake and hearing everyone’s testimonies. (“When I was four years old I asked my mommy about Jesus…”) This year though, I couldn’t really concentrate on people’s stories, as I remembered back three years ago when I stood on that same beach and lied to everyone there, including my own mother.
This year I also decided to try a little experiment, to see if anyone would catch on to the fact that I was actually drinking straight vodka from my Nalgene. You don’t really think that you’re going to get away with this do you? I had visions of getting plastered and causing a scene. Surely with all the pastors and elders present some disciplinary action would have to be taken. Ah, but remember who you’re dealing with. I get away with everything. If anyone noticed that I was acting strangely, (or at least, a different sort of strange than normal) they didn’t say anything.
And what a precedent to set. If my “closest friends” don’t notice, I can go anywhere with this thing… church, school, wherever. And one can not help but wonder, am I the only one? So why bring any of this up? If anyone other than spambots read this anymore, maybe I really didn’t want to get away with this one.
So This is who am I am. I’m the guy that attends church “religiously” and says all the right things but lives the rest of my life with no thought to God. I can’t help wondering if there’s anyone out there who sees me as an example of a godly man. I certainly hope that no one’s eyes are so dim.