On Weddings

This entry was posted by on Saturday, 15 November, 2008 at

[This post has been in “draft” status for about a month and a half. It is disorganized and slightly out-of-date (considering I went to another wedding last weekend) but I’m just going to post it anyway.]

Over the past few months I’ve heard a lot of “when you get married”s being throw around. A couple of these were directed toward me, but they more often occurred in a conversation to which I merely happened to be a third party. It’s as if everyone is going to be getting married in the next year or two. Maybe it’s because we’re all turning 30 now and suddenly realizing that we haven’t accomplished as much as we thought by this point. I find it interesting that very few of my peers are even actively dating. Most are either married or not in a relationship at all. (And a good number of the latter have not dated anyone the entire time that I’ve known them.) I would be tempted to say that my generation just isn’t that “in to” marriage, but those conversations suggest otherwise.

I was asked a little while ago if I like going to weddings, to which I did not have a ready response. I don’t really strike myself as the sort of person who would like going to weddings, but actually, I do. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I look forward to weddings. For weddings are all about hope, and who doesn’t like hope? Of course, once there, I find that some weddings are much more enjoyable than others.

I went to a wedding this summer. I was surprised to have even been invited, because I did not known the bride well and had never met the groom at all. Walking in, I wondered who, or even if I would know anyone there. It turned out that I recognized quite a number of people from church, and my first thought was, “Doesn’t she have any real friends?” What… people from church do not count as *real* friends?

I also felt some awkwardness over another matter. It occurred to me afterward, “You do know that it’s only awkward because you choose to make it awkward, right?” Yeah, well, on this particular matter, that seems to be the only choice I have left, and I chose the $#!* out of it! Which works on an emotional level, but sure sounds foolish when I put it into words.

Every time I go to a wedding, I can’t help thinking about how my own wedding will be. (You know, since other people’s weddings are obviously all about ME.) I wonder about who I would choose for a best man, as there is a rather high turn-over rate in the people I spend time with and consider my closest friends. I also wonder about whom to invite since I have family spread all over the country, many of whom I’m not particularly close to and do not care one way or the other if they came or not, but that I think would consider it a colossal snub to not be invited.

Then I think about who definitely won’t be there. I went to a wedding a couple of years ago which started with the two mothers lighting candles or some such. (A lot of weddings have something similar.) It struck me that my mother would not be doing that at my wedding, and my day only went down from there.

So, no mother. No grandparents. And hey, while we’re on the subject, no bride, and no wedding, because obviously, once again, you’ve forgotten the arrangement!

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