This entry was posted by on Friday, 9 May, 2008 at

I encounter a certain young lady from time to time, and whenever I see her, something in the back of my head tells me that we once dated. Yet how can that be? I don’t even really know her… she is just a friend of a friend or something, I do not think I have ever talked to her, much less dated.

Do you really not remember? How could you not remember? Of course I remember certain details, but it is all so hazy now… surely that must have been somebody else? Besides, this part of me that says these things is the same one that tells me that I used to be in a circus, or that I once went to school to learn how to build guitars. Having previously come to the conclusion that my heart is a wicked liar, I now consider the possibility that part of my brain is malfunctioning and perhaps just making crap up.

Infants have no concept of “object permanence,” i.e. they do not understand that things continue to exist when not perceived. An extreme form of “out of sight, out of mind,” if you will. I find myself having gone in completely the other direction, to a condition that I can only describe as, “As it is, thus it always was.” The perpetual NOW. (There’s probably a more official name for it, but I do not know it.) Things are now as they always have been. Thus, I never had a mother, or a Subaru, or a guitar with all six strings on it, and I am immediately skeptical of any evidence to the contrary.

As a weak explanation, ever since the crash, part of me has secretly suspected that I am really dead on the side of that mountain, and all of this has been a hallucination. But the fact is, it is actually everything before that point that is unclear, which opens the door for even stranger metaphysical possibilities.

2 Responses to “Delirium”

  1. Anonymous

    My prayer is that you will wake up and know that we are not characters in a dream, but real people to be loved and give a damn about.

  2. 7rocks

    Why can't we love the characters in our dream? We can see that there is action and reaction in this plot so wouldn't we give a dam about the characters of our life that we adventure with? The face of God shown to us?

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