Archive for September, 2007


Posted by on Friday, 14 September, 2007

A friend of mine is getting married. Something about it has been bothering me for a while. It’s not that I having anything against the bride, because I know the family and all. Perhaps it’s simply that they became engaged after knowing each other for less than a year and now they will be married about a year and half after the day they met. I know in my own experience, it has often taken two or three years for the blinders to come off and realize that this girl isn’t so right for me after all. Perhaps I am slower than most. Or after all look who’s talking. Perhaps I am merely envious that he is succeeding where I have failed.

Another friend is having a rather informal wedding later this year. I do not know enough of the story there to comment. But the whole thing makes me wonder, am I making this harder than it needs to be? I am but a man, no more, no less. There could be many young ladies who would want one such as me. It’s just that my upbringing and experience have heavily skewed my perception of a woman’s expectations.

Awhile ago I heard a woman’s testimony on the radio. Part of it included the fact that four months after becoming a Christian, she became engaged to a man that she had “never kissed and never dated.” (It struck me as unusual that she specified those two separately, but perhaps I am more old-fashioned than I had realized.) It also struck me that I am SO going to do that… This whole dating thing is crap. I have fallen flat on my face enough times. All or nothing, baby.

THAT is your big master plan? You actually think you have better chances of success with a cold proposal? That is just about the worst idea ever. Not to mention the fact that I have serious blood diamond issues.

Not that it matters. Because I read the Bible.

I could not count how many times that I have heard directed toward Christian singles something like, “Don’t worry, God has someone for you,” or, “Even though you are single, God can still use you.” That is excrement. For you non-christians out there, I am going to let you in a very well-kept secret: the New Testament actually discourages marriage.

To summarize 1 Corinthians chapter 7: it is not a sin to get married, but it would be better if you didn’t.
But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. -1 Cor 7:32-34

Similarly, after Jesus speaks about divorce, one of the disciples exclaims, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” While you might expect Jesus to defend the importance of marriage at this point, he instead rather cryptically repies:
“Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” -Matt 19:10-12

Keeping in mind that neither Jesus nor Paul was married, then however else you may interpret what Jesus says, clearly remaining single in some way benefits the kingdom of heaven.

Furthermore, when questioned about marriage at the resurrection, Jesus responds:
“For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.” – Matt 22:30, c.f. Mark 12:25 Or more explicitly, in Luke:
“The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy to attain to that age and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; for they cannot even die anymore, because they are like angels, and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection. -Luke 20:34-36

In summary, as far as worldly activities go, marriage is not so bad. But it is, after all, a worldly activity. The proper consolation for Christians should be, “Even though you are married, God can still use you!”

One of the more difficult concepts for me to grasp has been to not to try to apply what God has told me to other people. Just because I believe God does not want me to be married, does not mean I should look down on people who do.

In any case, we now come to the root of our standoff. For I only started going to church in the first place in an effort to get married. If God does not wish it to be so, then WHAT DO I NEED YOU FOR?

Though I had already planned out what I wanted to say, it took me awhile to actually get it all down. The wedding I mentioned has already passed, and I caught the MF-ing garter. Why do you mock me so?