Like Seed That Falls Among Thorns

This entry was posted by on Wednesday, 30 November, 2005 at

I live in someone else’s house
I sleep in someone else’s bed
I’m living someone else’s life
… Someone just like me.

I happened to wander into my old comfort zone a little while ago. It had not changed a bit. The weakness, the isolation, and the darkness. Oh yes, I remember the darkness.

Have you ever been in love? I have. Often.
I used to think that love meant something. But I’ve seen love fade and I’ve seen it die. I’ve been in love and I’ve been back out again. Feelings are so fickle. If I were to think that I’m in love, it really means nothing. Nothing at all. Much as I resist the idea, if feelings are meaningless, what choice do I really have but to go through life numb?

If only you’d never speak to me
The way that you do
If only you’d never speak like that
It’s like listening to
A breaking heart, a falling sky,
Fire going out and friendship die
I wish you felt the way that I still do
The way that I still do
— The Cure

I have been going to church for a long time now, and I’ve been wondering a lot lately, “How long do I have to do this before it all becomes real to me?” Longer than it’s been.

When I left church last Sunday, I almost made the decision to not go anymore.

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